Lost Reflection
by NElaineR
Summary: A romantic getaway gone terribly wrong. Reunited but now what? Things have become a bit...complicated.
1. Chapter 1

Okay, this is just a teaser… ;-)

But for those of you familiar with my other stories, it takes place after "Journey's End" but before its epilogue. Had to know that Cal couldn't stay out of trouble for 10 whole years, right? ;-)

He woke with a strangled cry dying slowly on his lips. Breathing hard, he took a moment to orient himself, scanning the too familiar room. Not that there was much to scan.

Throwing his legs over the side of the bed, he listened to the a/c running and the energetic couple next door. His lip curled in disgust. Tissue paper walls in a cheap motel. He'd awakened here two days ago and hadn't stepped outside.

Images of a blue-eyed brunette woman kept flickering through his mind's eye. Her eyes lit up as she smiled at him. He could see love. He just wished he knew who she was. There was also an image of a child playing and laughing in a cemetery – he felt that he should know this child. He wanted very badly to know, but he didn't.

Sinking his head into his hands he tried to massage away the throbbing pain that manifested itself there. As usual, he was unsuccessful. There were pills next to the bed. He took two dry.

Pushing off from the bed, he stumbled to the tiny bathroom to rub some water on his face. The cool water trickled down and dripped off his chin onto his chest. The fan vibrated in his head painfully as he stared at his reflection. A slightly grizzled face looked back at him. Dark blond hair hung across deep purple bruises and shifting hazel eyes. A week's worth of beard coated his cheeks and jaw. Scars adorned his upper body, including a lengthy one along his ribcage. Must have had a tough life. He was in his mid to late 40's from what he could judge. Couldn't be completely sure though. It was pretty messed up not even knowing how old you were, let alone your name. His only clue was the wedding band, but all the script inside read:

_G to C With love. 6-18-11_

Not very helpful. Was he G or C? The brunette woman had to be his wife, right? Or maybe the ring wasn't even his. He was so damned confused.

His friend would arrive soon, probably toting some fast food bags. Didn't know his friend's name, at least not his real name. The word 'friend' was a loose interpretation of what he really was. That was his instinct at least. His instincts seemed to be pretty dead on. That was why they were taking care of him. Protecting him. And probably using him. _He wasn't an idiot_.

Pushing his hair back from his face, he tried to meet his eyes. For some reason he found it difficult. He hoped for some clue lurking within their depths, but there was nothing. A stranger's eyes. He looked away.

Frustration and anger began to well. They were constant companions at this point even if they weren't exactly welcome. Better than feeling blank or slipping into a deep depression. He came close. Not really knowing himself, he still felt that he wasn't one to stay in one place for long.

Leaving the bathroom he began to pace. He quickly landed at the window and peeked out to see nothing as usual. Desert. As best as he could figure, he was either in California or Nevada. Maybe the outskirts of Barstow. Wherever he was, civilization seemed pretty far away. He wasn't staying at the Bates Motel, but it was certainly reminiscent of it. But instead of a young wacko running the place, there was an elderly couple. He had seen them but hadn't conversed. He'd been assured that it would be a very bad idea.

The pills were kicking in as the headache was reduced to nothing more than a tolerable pressure. Always agitated, he dropped to the threadbare carpet and slipped into push up mode. The last 48 hours had been filled with them, along with sit-ups and isometrics. He found that exhaustion helped temper the agitation. And the sadness.

**(BREAK)**

When she had first opened her eyes, he'd still been there. His head had been resting against the spidery glass of the driver's side window. A sob had been caught in her throat as she tentatively reached out to him and relief rushed out in a gasp to find that his hand was warm. She must have blacked out again because the next thing she knew, voices were around her in the night. One insistently kept asking if she were okay before she felt herself free from the car and in the open desert air. She was then being moved.

Gillian cracked her eyes open and managed to inquire. "My husband…?"

The question was met with confusion before one voice informed her that he'd gone on ahead to the hospital. Even dazed, she could tell he was lying.


	2. Chapter 2

It was someone different now. The older man that had come by yesterday had been replaced by a little turd in his twenties.

Josh arrived a bit after one, offering burgers and soda from In-n-Out. He also held a plain paper bag.

"They just kind of guessed your size man."

The kid tossed him the bag, which he easily caught one-handed. "Thanks." Thankfulness was the last thing he felt. Josh annoyed him on sight. One of those urban street kids fused with suburban mall rat. Backward cap, low riding pants and an air of superiority. He would love to drop kick him out the door but considering the state of things, he didn't dare.

With an inward sigh, he dropped the bag on the bed and turned his attention to the food. He was starving. He hadn't even realized it until he caught the aroma. Wasn't sure when he'd eaten last.

The kid sprawled on the other chair and leaned his elbows on the peeling laminate of the table. "We're gonna be taking a drive."

When the man didn't respond, Josh pushed just a little. "We're heading to Primm."

"Primm?" He spoke around a mouthful of food, very aware of what he was doing.

"Yeah, it's around state line. Small game, big stakes from what I'm told."

Eyes darkened and fixed on him. Josh swallowed involuntarily. Something about this guy scared him. There was a certain intensity that he found unnerving. Shaking it off, he forced himself to meet the older man's stare. "You owe him you know."

"So I've been told."

Clearing his throat, the kid sat back. "Yeah, well, we'll be heading out tonight."

He inhaled the rest of his food, and sucked the Coke dry. Took the bag and headed to the bathroom. A black Henley, pair of jeans, underwear and socks. Basic but that was okay. Purposely avoiding the mirror, he stripped out of blood-spattered pants and button up he currently wore. The same clothing he'd been wearing since he woke up. He didn't know whose blood it was. It could be his but they intimated that it was someone else's. Choosing not to contemplate it, he started the shower before slipping in and sluicing away the grime.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian had spent one night in the hospital before being able to return to her mother's place in Woodland Hills. It was too far from the desert but there wasn't much to be done. The authorities were combing the area around the car but nothing had turned up as of yet. She didn't expect that anything would.

They'd been heading to Palm Springs when someone had purposely run them off the road. There had been two vehicles, one large pick up and an SUV. They'd been boxed in before being pushed off the shoulder. There was nothing accidental about it. Whoever had been responsible now had Cal. She was positive of it.

She'd been in touch with Ben and although he didn't technically work with the Lightman Group any longer, he was still a good friend and not above favors. He'd assured her that he'd keep his ear to the ground. Cal was useful to the type of people that could likely be on the FBI radar. An APB also went out. They were hoping that someone somewhere saw something. Better yet, they hoped that he'd be spotted. Wherever he may be.

Feeling sick with fear was something that she had to deal with every waking moment. It was especially difficult when James asked where Daddy was and Gillian had to smooth it over, hoping against hope that she wasn't inadvertently lying to her son. _Daddy is meeting with some people. He'll be back in a couple of days honey…_

_**(BREAK)**_

It was so damned hard. He moved through the crowd away from the private room where he just won his benefactor big bucks. He tried desperately to keep his eyes averted, but avoiding people was becoming harder and harder. Every time he'd look someone in the face, he felt like he could practically guess what he or she'd had for breakfast that morning. People were such an open book to him and he _couldn't turn it off. _It was almost akin to mind reading – he really didn't want to know, _but he couldn't help himself. Who the hell was he? Was this a talent or a curse?_ Currently he guessed the latter.

By the time they returned to the car, his head was pounding once again, dark flecks dancing behind his eyes. Unfortunately he'd left his pills on the bedside table at the flea trap where he was staying. He slumped in the passenger seat as the kid took the wheel.

"You really are amazing dude. Mr. Grandon was big time happy." Josh grinned at him.

The kid didn't call him anything other than 'man' or 'dude.'

"Happy to serve," was his dry response. He wondered how long he would be in Grandon's debt. He'd been involved in some kind of scam gone wrong (so he was told). There'd been a car wreck, someone died and apparently the cops were looking for him. Details were sketchy. Suspicion ran deeply within him but since he couldn't remember he decided to play it safe. When pieces started to fall together, he had a feeling the game plan would change.

"You okay?"

"What do you think?" He rolled his head toward him and fixed him with a blank stare.

Josh frowned. The old man still scared him. Kind of in a Clint Eastwood, don't fuck with me or I'll cut you down at the kneecaps kind of way. Just shorter. "Uh, well, get some rest. We've got a couple of hours on the road."

It crossed his mind to thank him for the kind permission. He decided to ignore the kid instead. He allowed his eyes to drift shut.

_The blue-eyed woman turned to him with a sad smile. _

_ They stood in a cemetery. A newer one with flat stones to give the appearance of a regular park and not specifically a park of the dead._

_ A single tear began to roll down her cheek and he reached out to wipe it away before pulling her into an embrace._

_ Nearby the little boy was spinning and laughing. He plopped down on his butt in the grass, blinking, apparently trying to shake off the dizziness. The brightness of his smile shot up at them. He felt the woman shake in his arms as she laughed at the boy's antics and couldn't help but join her._

_ "Children have a way of reminding you what's important in life."_

_ "Yeah they do luv." He kissed the woman gently as she leaned against him._

His eyes opened when the car's engine cut off_._ The ache inside him pulsed with the pain in his head. He knew that he loved her but he couldn't even remember her name. It was an interesting dilemma.

Looking around it took a moment before he realized they weren't at the motel. Raising an eyebrow, he gazed at Josh questioningly.

"Just needed a drink." He had already hopped out of the car but was leaning in the window. "Come in or stay here. Your choice."

He was under the impression that he was supposed to lay low but he knew things weren't as they seemed. Apparently so did the kid. Perhaps some questions would be in order later. If the pain lessened a bit. With a sigh he decided a drink wouldn't be so bad. He got out and headed up the steps toward the door of the bar.


	3. Chapter 3

"Some news Ben?" Her voice went up slightly, hope accenting his name.

"Well, we've heard of a line of shake downs occurring in some exclusive games in Nevada, near the state line. Word has it that there's a guy that can do not wrong in the Poker circuit." He let the words hang.

Gillian frowned. "You think this might be Cal? I don't understand…"

"There's more. Apparently someone resembling him was seen in the vicinity of one of these games. Of course that was just an anonymous tip. Completely unconfirmed."

Confusion and a tiny bit of anger at Ben knotted her features as she digested this. "Um, I'm not sure how I should react to this. Are you intimating that he disappeared _on purpose? He wouldn't do that." _She sat down heavily on the side of the bed. James peeked up at her curiously for a moment before continuing to play with his trains on the floor.

"I'm not saying that the whole thing isn't odd."

"If it's him, it's possible that he's being coerced." She sat up a little straighter. "How else could you explain this? I know he was in the car next to me when I woke up after the accident. And then he wasn't. There's no way he could have wandered off on his own. His…" her breath caught for a moment but she managed to prevent a sob. "Um, he seemed to have suffered a pretty nasty head wound." She blinked back tears.

"Highly vascular area Gillian."

"I know that but…"She stopped when she noticed that James had stopped playing and was now staring up at her wide eyed.

_Shit._

"Hold on a second Ben."

She looked down at the boy, trying to hide her fear and worry. "Honey, can you go play with grandma for just a minute?"

"Is Daddy okay?"

"I'm sure he's fine. Please go find grandma for me?"

The boy squinted at her suspiciously before scurrying out of the room. She let out a breath. "Sorry Ben. So what comes next?"

"We keep an ear out for the next game and hope we're in the right place at the right time."

**(BREAK)**

When Josh arrived to escort him to the next game, he'd already made his decision. He was done. He didn't care about the repercussions.

"You ready? Laughlin's waiting…" The kid was cut off rudely when he was slammed face first into the wall, his arm twisted painfully behind him.

"What the hell man?" His eyes watered as the older man shoved him into the wall again.

"Keys." The voice was soft but deadly.

"Dude, this is a really bad idea."  
>"Keys." His arm was twisted higher and Josh let out a whimper.<p>

"Shit ! Okay! In my pocket!"

"Which one?" The arm went incrementally higher.

"Come on! You're gonna break my arm!" The kid was close to crying.

He found car keys in his jacket and yanked them out. Took an extra moment to give a quick pat down. Found a pocketknife and nicked it. No other weapons. Strange.

A tiny bit of relief crossed Josh's face but before the other man could react, a strong arm wrapped around his neck and pulled him back. Pressure on his throat made him gag.

"Doc, for a smart guy, that was pretty stupid."

_Doc?_

A smooth voice preceded the man into the motel room. He casually shut the door behind him.

The arm tightened across his neck as he felt his breath slowly being cut off.

"Careful Michael, don't damage him."

The pressure relaxed ever so slightly allowing him to cough.

"This has been quite an adventure I'd have to say." The smooth voiced man stopped within a couple of feet of him. Early 50's, graying temples in dark hair to match his gray eyes. Slim build in a perfectly cut suit. Grandon. "This whole memory thing has been quite the coup for us. But of course it's not going to last."

He didn't say anything, choosing to just watch and listen. Anger coiled in his stomach as he waited.

"I think it might be time to let you know what the stakes really are." The man paged through the portfolio he'd been holding under his arm. He pulled out a couple of photos. "Here we are. These were in your wallet when we picked you up."

He felt his eyes widen as he saw them. The first was the woman and boy from his dreams. The second was of a brown-eyed teenaged girl that sparked recognition in the back of his mind.

"Oh, so they do mean something now? I guess that's progress for you!"

Moving closer, gray eyes locked on hazel. "If you haven't guessed by now, this beautiful woman and cute kid are your wife and son. The other is your gorgeous daughter." Grandon gave a wink.

Fury surged through him as he tried to pull forward but the powerful arm around his neck kept him still.

"Well, doctor, now that I've given you something to think about, we'll take our leave." The smooth voiced man turned to Josh. "Go ahead son, I think you owe him one."

Without pause, the kid buried his fist in his solar plexus. The breath rushed out of him as the arm loosened and allowed him to sink to the floor gasping. A well-placed kick in the ribcage brought an additional grunt of pain. He curled up, forehead against the thin carpet. The kid squatted down and retrieved his pocketknife and keys. Smacked the man in the head for good measure. "Asshole."

"That's enough Josh. We'll be back in an hour or so when you're feeling a bit more…reasonable." Several ripping sounds could be heard above him before fragments from photos of his family floated down around him.

**(BREAK)**

The Laughlin game took place across the river in a private residence in Bullhead City. Almost 5000 square feet in a million dollar home. And here he was continuing to live in a motel that was barely above renting by the hour.

Josh gave him a shove to move him along.

Whirling around he was in the kid's face in a heartbeat. "You want to be careful."

Despite the set of his face, there was a flicker of fear. He took a half step back.

"Okay, we need to play nice." Grandon's eyes shifted to the doctor. "Especially you."

The group entered the party inside.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian noticed the LED clock glowing 1:17 at her as she fumbled in the darkness for her phone. Fear anchored itself in her heart. Tradition showed that calls in the middle of the night generally were not good news.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Lightman?"

"Yes?"

"My name is Detective Charles Anders from the Bullhead City P.D."

"Bullhead City…Arizona."  
>"Right. Um, an FBI contact of ours instructed me to contact you in the event of news of a Dr. Cal Lightman…?"<p>

She gripped the phone tightly, wide-awake now. "Yes."

"How long would it take you to get here?"

"Detective, have you found my husband?"

"Yes, ma'am."

There was something about his tone that bothered her. "Is he safe?"

"Yes ma'am. We'll be transferring him from the station to Western Arizona Regional Hospital so you'd want to head there."

"Hospital?"

"Yes, we just thought it would be in his best interests." The detective dodged the obvious question in the woman's voice. He honestly didn't know what to tell her. "When can we expect you?"

Woodland Hills to Bullhead City. Easily a few hundred miles. She glanced at the clock again. "I should be able to get there by seven."

The detective left his cell and badge number before disconnecting.

**(BREAK)**

Fueled by coffee, No-Doze and three hours of sleep, Gillian approached the information desk, where a bright-eyed attendant looked at her expectantly.

She was then directed to the fourth floor where a Dr. Janice Fuller met her at the nurse's station. The doctor was tiny, gray haired but with extremely sharp eyes hiding behind round rims.

"Mrs. Lightman, it seems your husband had a recent head injury…?"

"Um, yes, we were in a car accident but I don't know anything beyond that. He was missing until just last night." It did sound slightly crazy but Gill wasn't sure if she should or even could explain. "I think the authorities are still working out what happened. Please, is he okay?" The tremor in her voice was readily apparent. "Can I see him?"

"Of course, I just want you to be…prepared."

"I don't understand."

"His admission here is strictly for observation and a few tests. Physically he's fine but he does appear to be having some issues with his memory."

At Gillian's expression, the doctor hurried on. "Post Traumatic Amnesia is not all that common, but it does occur. Most patients gradually recoup their memories in time." Dr. Fuller had started to walk down the hall as Gillian followed behind.

They arrived at room 332. Dr. Fuller gave her a reassuring smile before lightly knocking and pushing the door open. "Dr. Lightman?"

Cal lay back with one hand behind his head and the other resting across his chest. He initially didn't respond, his eyes distant.

Tears immediately began to overflow and course down her cheeks at the sight of him. She moved forward. Dr. Fuller placed a hand on her arm, stopping her briefly.

"Dr. Lightman?" The woman's voice was less tentative this time.

He snapped out of his revelry and skimmed over the tiny doctor before settling on Gillian. Something close to recognition played upon his face as he scrutinized her.

Stepping closer, she felt Fuller's hand fell from her forearm. "Cal?" Tears made her voice choke slightly.

His gaze was soft as he soaked in her features. "You're in my dreams a lot darlin'." His voice was equally soft but it was obvious that he didn't quite know her.

* * *

><p><strong>Is this story working for you guys? Should I continue?<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

"_I have a question. Gillian. Do you love her?"_

_ "Course I do darlin', 'course I love her."_

_ "No. I mean _really_ love her."_

_ Pause. "Yeah."_

_ "Then what are you waiting for?" The girl nestled closer to him._

_ He threw an arm around her. "I don't have an answer to that."_

* * *

><p>He opened his eyes to see her curled up on the vinyl-covered recliner next to the bed. <em>Gillian.<em>

Her mouth sagged slightly in sleep offering a glimpse of white teeth through full lips while a straight nose and beautifully curved cheeks met his gaze as well. His eyes wandered over the rest of her noting how her jeans and boat-necked tee did nothing to hide her perfect figure and watched the swell of her breasts as she took a deep breath. At that moment, she gave a cat-like stretch, eyes beginning to flutter open. His gaze dipped once again before bouncing back to her face just in time. Guilt nipped at him as he felt a tiny bit of warmth spread through his loins. _Bloody hell_. She was his _wife_. Felt like a creepy voyeur regardless. Disgusted with himself, he looked away.

Gillian noticed a tiny bit of shame when she opened her eyes. It took her only a moment to realize that he'd been checking her out and now felt guilty. This was an extremely weird situation. She decided it was probably best not to acknowledge it. There was plenty of time to tease him about it later.

She had been contemplating something. He'd probably been caught out but her eyes remained warm regardless. They also remained worried. And that was his fault. A new form of guilt nipped at him. _Crap._

"How do you feel Cal?"

"Ready to get the hell outta here."

Squinting at her watch, she let out a little sigh. "Only 4:00. Have to wait at least another 5 or 6 hours for discharge." Gillian ran a hand over the back of her neck massaging it unconsciously.

"Not very comfy, yeah?" He nodded to the chair.

"Eh. Could be worse. I'll live."

Clearing his throat, he caught her eye. "Room over here…if you'd like." _Not being creepy. Not being creepy. It was okay. She's my wife. Not being creepy…_

Cal suggested it almost shyly.

_It must be so difficult. He's aware of who she is to him but at the same time, their relationship seems to have been pushed back years. She wanted to cuddle beside him more than anything but didn't want to make him uncomfortable. _But now he was offering.

"Are you sure?"

"'Course. Breakfast wagon won't arrive for at least another few hours." He gave her a little smirk.

Without another word, she slid onto the bed, back to him. He dropped an arm around her waist and breathed in the scent of her hair as he gently spooned against her. Warmth began to spread but he ignored it. He just enjoyed the comfort she seemed to bring him. _Familiar residing within the unfamiliar._

**(BREAK)**

_Cal frowned in annoyance as the pair of headlamps came up on them a little too quickly. He expected that they'd just dart around like most drivers were apt to do on Southern California freeways, but this one didn't. It stayed on the bumper of their rental._

_ Taking his foot of the accelerator of the Taurus, he allowed the car to slow, hoping to prod the other driver into passing them. They didn't. The other driver continued to follow too closely._

_ Gillian glanced over her shoulder before looking back at him. "What's going on?"_

_"Not sure." Cal accelerated again and the other vehicle surged forward as well before jerking to the left. The driver continued to pace them. Looked like a late model pick up. The windows were darkly tinted._

_ He took his foot off the gas again but then another pair of headlights flew up on his tail. This one was little more than six inches from their back bumper. Another large vehicle, probably an SUV._

_ "Gill, call 9-1-1."_

_ Pulling her phone from her purse, she whipped her head around, looking for some kind of marker._

_ Cal hit the accelerator again, knowing that it was pointless but not sure what else to do. The other vehicles were a lot more powerful than their anemic rental. He swerved toward the truck, telling him to back off in no uncertain terms. Knowing it was a hollow threat, the truck driver pushed back. The two came together with a screech of metal._

_ The steering wheel vibrated fiercely, but Cal managed to hang on._

_ "No signal!" Gillian's voice rose in panic, her eyes fixing on him._

_ "Son of a bitch!"_

_ He tried to accelerate once again but both other vehicles converged upon them._

_ Cal heard a cry of alarm from Gillian before there was another scream of metal and a sudden lurch as the car left the highway. A spear of agony cut through his head before nothingness swallowed him whole._

**(BREAK)**

Cal was still holding her in his arms when 6:30 in the morning rolled around. Within the last couple of hours, Gill had shifted. She was now nestled into his chest. Without thought, he wrapped his arms around her a little tighter, a little more protectively.

The nightmare or memory had left him disturbed as usual. A fresh wave of anger flowed over him as he thought about how far Grandon had gone just to get a hold of him. It made absolutely no sense. Gillian could easily have been killed. The man had been arrested along with everyone else during the sting, but for how long? He probably already walked. Even with the whole kidnapping thing hanging over his head. Sleazy people tend to hire sleazy, unscrupulous lawyers. That was a fact of life.

With a sigh, he carefully unwrapped himself from around Gillian, instantly missing the warmth. He thought about lying back down for just a few more minutes but didn't want to disturb her.

He found the duffle bag she had had brought with her and rifled through it for clean clothes before proceeding to the tiny hospital bathroom for a shower. For the most part he was feeling okay. The headaches were still taunting him but not as much as before. He was just ready to go. Home? He supposed. With any luck, he'd walk into the place and his memory would hit him like a lightning strike. That seemed unlikely though. According to Dr. Fuller, it would be a gradual process. Not the best thing for an impatient man.

First stop would be Woodland Hills. They needed to stop at his mother-in-law's place to pick up James. _His son_. The fair-haired boy who frolicked just off the edge of his consciousness. He'd heard his voice yesterday and didn't really know what to say. Fortunately, the little guy was full of stories about grandma, Thomas the Tank Engine, miniature golf and the zoo. He did enough talking for the both of them. That was good. Emily, on the other hand, had been a little more awkward. Gillian had called her at school and after conversing for just a minute had put Cal on. Once again, he didn't know what to say and apparently, neither did she. He caught a huge amount of relief from her but concern and confusion were also readily apparent. Hell, misery loves company.

**(BREAK)**

"How old are ya?" Cal stared down at his son, feeling the whole encounter rather surreal.

"Don't you know Daddy?" The boy tilted his head in a familiar way and looked up at him suspiciously.

"Humor me."

James flashed him a peace sign. Cal blinked in bemusement before the gesture sunk in. He was feeling a little slow on the draw. "You're kind of big to only be two aren't ya? I thought you were closer to ten." He offered a teasing smile.

Frowning, the boy threw a look over his shoulder at his mother.

"Well, you are going to be three next month remember?"

"Oh yeah! I'm gonna be three! I'm gonna be three!" James galloped off presumably in search of his grandmother.

Gillian smiled after him but sobered when she caught the pain in her husband's eyes. The pain bordered on devastation. She felt all too familiar tears well as she took a step closer to him and touched his face. "It'll come back."

"Can't be too soon." He stared into her eyes for several long moments before something clicked. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Did we go to a cemetery recently?"

She blinked in surprise. "We went to my father's grave the day before we left for the desert."

"James was spinning and fell on his rear."

A laugh bubbled out as she wiped away threatening tears. "Yes he did. See Cal. It will come back. We just need to be patient."

"Hard to be patient." Sadness had crept back into his eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

The house was a two story English Tudor that meant absolutely nothing to him.

Gillian watched his face carefully after they pulled into the driveway and couldn't help the wave of disappointment that soaked through her. Of course she really couldn't or shouldn't expect anything different.

James was conked out in his car seat and Cal was able to waggle him out without waking him. It was a gift. Gillian was rarely as lucky and always felt a tiny bit of jealousy. This time she observed with a smile settling into her eyes.

He carried the little boy upstairs, instinctively knowing which room was his and turning in without preamble. Gently laying James down on his _Cars _toddler bed, he was able to remove his coat and shoes while the child slept on, soft little snores vibrating through him. Tossing a blanket over him, he brushed the boys brow with his lips before quietly heading for the door. He clicked on the night light before slipping out.

Gillian waited in the hallway. "Very impressive."

"Jet lag."

"Don't sell yourself short."

He seemed uncomfortable. Giving her the shadow of a smile, he moved around her and headed downstairs.

Wandering around the living room, he inspected photos at length, lightly running his fingers along curios and furniture alike. He noted many different pieces of native art and tools. Turning heel, he peered at Gillian who'd been silently watching. "Anthropology, right?"

"Yes."

A couple of other images from a time long ago flickered. Jungle and humidity. Lots of bugs. He smiled to himself. "Thus the face reading."

"Sorry?"

He shook his head, a touch of regret in his smile. "Just thinking. I had thought it was a curse for a bit there, but I actually signed up for the lot, yeah?"

She looked a little surprised at his assessment. "Yes you did."

"Why?"

_Uh oh_. _How much was she supposed to tell him?_

Biting her lip, Gillian hesitated while he watched unblinkingly.

"Cal, you lost someone close to you. You blamed yourself for not noticing certain signs."

Nodding, his eyes fell away to the side before popping up to her again. "My mother."

"Yes."

She noticed a subtle tightening around his mouth but he didn't comment.

He crossed to the media storage and ran his eyes over the music ranging from jazz to punk to classic rock to classical, including some vinyl. The films were all over the board as well – classics, dramas, horror, sci-fi, adventures, kid stuff and chick flicks. Directly after "Zombieland," there were dozens of family DVD's filed by year, recent first. He crouched down to take a closer look.

_James 2__nd__ Birthday_

_ New York_

_ Park Day_

Caribbean Cruise

And so forth.

Cal rocked back slightly on his heels, troubled.

Gillian could see his indecision and fear. He was worried that it wouldn't help. She sat on the arm of the recliner and waited.

Pulling a few off the shelf, he turned all the components on and adjusted settings before loading the first DVD. Funny how he bloody well knew how to do that but didn't remember his family.

He started to head for the recliner and hesitated when he noticed Gillian perched on the arm. Thought briefly about the couch before changing his mind. _Screw it_. Cal crossed the room and dropped himself into the chair, lightly brushing against her thigh. He felt like a homing pigeon.

Not moving, Gillian gazed down at him before gently brushing through his hair with her fingertips.

It felt like thousands of tiny electrical sparks ran down the left side of his body at her light touch. His breath hitched as he tensed. Not wanting her to see the darkening of his eyes, he casually reached up and took her hand in his and brought it to his lips before holding it to his chest.

The first DVD was all about their son's 2nd birthday. Cal sat back, leaning ever so slightly into his wife.

They watched the first one together, no words passing between them, but as time ticked late, Gillian gently pulled her hand free, got up and stretched.

"I'm a little tired. I think I'll turn in." She waited for a response but he continued to be captivated by the screen. Receiving none, she turned toward the staircase.

"Gillian?" His voice came out a little higher than usual.

She glanced back over her shoulder to find him on his feet, tentatively reaching out a hand before letting it drop. "I just…uh…" He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Just wanted to say goodnight."

A fond smile crossed her face at his attempt. "Good night Cal."

He missed her sadness as she turned away.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian awoke to find that he'd never come to bed. Blinking to clear the sleep away, her eyes landed on the alarm clock. 4:17.

Distantly, she could hear the sound from the television.

Slipping from bed she padded out onto the landing and tried to catch a glimpse of him, hopefully without notice.

Cal hadn't moved from the recliner. Was still watching through half closed eyes, his expression unreadable. She could hear the sound of a child laughing. It sounded like Emily.

She wasn't sure if he was trying to jog his memory or just torture himself.

With an inward sigh, she returned to bed.

**(BREAK)**

Cal watched six strait hours of family videos before dozing off shortly before dawn.

**(BREAK)**

_He pulled the apron off and tossed it behind the couch in his hurry to the front door._

_ Gillian awaited on the other side looking especially radiant. Her face was a tiny bit rounder and glowing with pregnancy. She had recently started to opt for some maternity clothes and had chosen a turquoise wrap dress that complemented her eyes._

_ Cal stared at her, mouth hanging slightly open._

_ "You want to invite me in or shall I try the neighbor's house?" _

_ He stood aside and captured her in a hug when she stepped into the entry. "Don't you dare darlin'. They'd have a fight on their hands. You look beautiful." _

_ Blushing, she felt herself easily lose herself in his embrace. He let go a little too quickly as he moved to shut the door. His body seemed tense, almost agitated and she frowned in concern._

_ "Cal, is everything okay?"_

_ He seemed surprised. "Wha-? 'Course, why wouldn't it be?"_

_ "You're acting a bit odd."_

_ "And how is that different?" Raising his eyebrows, he gave her a lopsided grin._

_ Gillian narrowed her eyes in suspicion._

_ "Hungry?" With a light hand on her waist he guided her into the dining room. Two candles burned and all other lighting was subdued. The table was set beautifully with bone china and crystal stemware._

_ She was impressed. "Wow. Didn't know you were such a romantic."_

_ "Not really. Only for you." Cal leaned over and planted a kiss at the base of her neck. A shudder ran through her involuntarily as he grinned again._

_ He pulled out a chair to properly seat her and dashed back to the kitchen. She stared after him, slightly befuddled._

_ Dinner consisted of Mozzarella Caprese and Chicken Parmigiana, washed down with sparkling apple cider. He'd already downed a few glasses of scotch before she arrived so he was good with sharing the non-alcoholic bubbly with her. _

_ They ate in comfortable silence except for the fact that he wouldn't stop fidgeting._

_ "Everything was delicious, Cal." She ran a napkin over her lips before starting to rise up from the table._

_ "No no. Wait! There's more!" Once again, the mad dash._

_ Gill was starting to think he'd had more to drink than he'd owned up to when he returned with a Chocolate Torte balanced on his palms. "Ta Dah!"_

_ "Really, Ta Dah?" Her tone teased but her eyes were bright._

_ "Shush you!" He stared down, making a quick decision. "Hold on, I'll be right back!" Cal rushed back to the kitchen, taking her cake with him. Her lower lip gave a little pout in disappointment._

_ He came back a couple minutes later with individual slices and placed one in front of her before sliding back into his seat with his own. Casting an eye at her surreptitiously, he waited._

_ Like everything tonight, the cake was presented beautifully. A raspberry puree had been drizzled around the piece with a crown of whipped cream…and a ring._

_ Gillian blinked at it before looking up at him and blinking again._

_ He gave a lazy shrug. "Thought it might be, uh, nice to, uh, make it official and all that." A wave of his hand accompanied his babbling._

_ Watching a variety of emotions cross her face, Cal was relieved that none of them included reservation, annoyance or sadness. She did, however, start to cry._

_ But she was also smiling, so he took that as a good thing._

_ "What do you say darlin'? Wanna marry me?"_

**(BREAK)**

An hour after dawn he was awakened by the gallop of small feet on wooden stairs and opened his eyes just in time to see a pre-schooler coming at him like a flying squirrel. He caught the boy mid-air to avoid upper body and possibly, lower body injuries to himself.

James shrieked with laughter as Cal's fingers found the tickle points near his armpits and neck. "Oi! Ya little bugger! Trying to ambush your old dad?"

The child giggled louder if that was possible.

"Shhh! You're gonna wake your mum!"

His fingers stilled as he gazed at his son. He had his mum's eyes and freckles but his hair color and the shape of his face was all Cal. A tiny little snippet of himself.

The boy wriggled around in his lap and placed a hand on either side of his dad's face. "HULLO? ANYBODY HOME?" James stared up into Cal's face with curiosity and complete adoration. One small hand fisted and gently knocked on the top of his head.

Ignoring his own reprimand about waking Gill, he got up with a roar and swung the boy around for a piggyback ride. Another well-placed shriek temporarily deadened the hearing in Cal's right ear.

He jogged them into the kitchen. "Pancakes? Sausage? Eggs? The works?"

"Mmmmm."

Cal sat the boy down on a stool at the breakfast bar before leaning his forearms against it and swinging his face toward James. "Okay, you might have to help me out, yeah?"

James had started to poke at the tattoos on his dad's arm before looking up at him. "Okay."

"Where are the mixing bowls?"

The boy thought hard and then shrugged.

"How about the whisk and tools like that?"

Once again, the boy thought about it and then shrugged.

"Some bloody help you are!"

James gave him a big cheesy grin.

With feigned annoyance, Cal started searching through the cabinets, happy to find most of his hunches correct.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian awoke to the aroma of bacon.

She followed it downstairs and into the kitchen to find James stirring pancake batter and Cal expertly working over the griddle. Both looked up when she entered.

The little boy deserted his post immediately and made a beeline for her.

Cal's expression exuded warmth. His eyes dipped to her legs before growing a little warmer as he flashed a rueful smile. She was wearing a college nightshirt that only fell mid-thigh. Gill felt herself turn a little pink as she caught the little boy in a hug. They continued to make eye contact from above their son's head.

James gave her a big sloppy kiss on the cheek. "I'm making breakfast!"

"An excellent one at that, I might add." Cal broke contact the moment he decided he didn't want to burn the bacon. That would be markedly less than excellent. "Hey ya little rug rat! Done with the batter?"

The boy gasped and ran back to his post.

Gillian felt a little flutter inside when Cal looked back up at her and gave a wink.


	6. Chapter 6

Gillian had taken James out for some errands including a run to the office, allowing Cal to catch a few more hours of sleep. Which was naturally easier said than done. Although exhausted, he couldn't calm his racing mind. Little pieces of memories were slowly leaking past stubborn defenses but gaping holes were still the rule. It frustrated and angered him.

He wandered every square foot in the house restlessly before dropping into push up mode. Memories of the run down motel flickered into him, pissing him off even more. The push-ups went faster and easier, before being replaced with sit-ups. Finally spent, he retired to the couch.

Eyes sliding shut, his mind started to wander in preliminary sleep.

* * *

><p><em>Warm sand, ocean breeze, the feel of her under his hands, the smell and taste of her skin…<em>

_ "Cal, I love you…"_

_ Their lips meeting tenderly…_

_ Rise and fall of fused bodies…_

* * *

><p>Startled into wakefulness, Cal felt disconcerted. <em>Wasn't sure if they were<em> _memories or just his being horny. Hell._ Knowing he'd slept very little, he sat up regardless, rubbed the back of his neck before throwing a glance at the door.

Someone was using a key in the lock. He squinted at his watch. _It was unlikely_ _that_ _Gill and James would be back quite yet._

He was on his feet instantly as the door opened.

Emily pushed into the entry, book bag slung haphazardly over her shoulder. She stopped when she noticed him staring at her. His expression was cautious.

"Dad?"

"Hey Em." He attempted a little smile but appeared slightly uncomfortable.

_Holy crap. He really doesn't know me. This is insane._ She felt a tug of grief inside before kicking herself. He wasn't _dead_; he'd just suffered an injury. It would all be fine. _He'd be fine._

She crossed the room and threw her arms around him, relief dousing her completely. After the briefest of hesitations, Cal reciprocated, pulling his daughter to him.

"I'm so glad your back. I was so worried." He could feel a little wetness against his shirt as Emily allowed a few tears.

It seemed unusual. She was generally pretty good about keeping her emotions in check. Took after him that way. _Wait a minute_.

He pulled back, hands cupping her face and thumbing away her tears gently. "Why the tears darlin'? You're generally a bit braver than this, yeah?" The lines around his eyes crinkled a little deeper as he offered a genuine smile.

"I was worried, you dork. I'm making an exception." She sniffled and smiled up at him, seeing his point. _It would all be okay. _

**(BREAK)**

They sat together on the couch and just talked. Cal wasn't sure if Emily had spoken to him about all this before, but he enjoyed their easy camaraderie. She was doing a double major of sociology and anthropology with thoughts of joining the Peace Corps. He wasn't sure if he was all that impressed with her plan but he inwardly applauded her enthusiasm regardless. Her current boyfriend's name was Eric and they'd been dating for close to seven months now. He hadn't remembered that, but then again he wasn't sure if it was his amnesia or just his habit of blocking out any information tied to his daughter's boyfriends. Perhaps a bit of both. Emily was now 22 and almost ready to graduate from college. It made his head spin to think that this was the same little girl he'd watched ride a pony for the first time last night. She had only been about 6 in the video.

Gillian and James returned a short time later with the usual hoopla that inevitably surrounded young kids.

James ran right at Emily with an incredibly loud "Emmy!" spilling from his throat.

She swooped him up with a big kiss. "Hey munchkin! I missed you!"

Cal looked up, meeting Gillian's eyes.

* * *

><p><em>Sand on her back and shoulders.<em>

_ "Cal?"_

_ "Hmmm?"_

_ "I've got sand in my bathing suit."_

* * *

><p>She stared back, sensing a tiny change.<p>

Emily caught the look between her father and stepmother. Smiling to herself, she gave her little brother a tickle. "I've got something for you!"

His eyes went large. "You do?"

"Of course I do, ya goof! Let's go play in your room." She grabbed her book bag and her brother's hand as they headed for the staircase. "And I don't want any cheating!" Her voice carried down just before they went into the little boy's room.

Cal couldn't help but laugh. "He cheats at games?"

"If he can get away with it." There was a sparkle in Gill's eye. "He's his father's son."

"Hey!"

They continued to smile at one another before Cal's faltered slightly.

"I've been having some," he cleared his throat, feeling slightly nervous and stupid for feeling that way. "…some images and I'm not sure if they're real or if…uh…my mind is being…extra creative."

Her eyebrows rose as she slowly approached, taking a seat on the coffee table directly opposite him, knees together, fingers lacing into a ball on top of them. She tilted her head, the smile still ghosting her face. "What kind of images?"

"Um…"Cal's eyes had fixed on some point beyond her but they flicked to her quickly, while his head remained stationary. "Beach images."

She felt her face warm as his eyes widened.

Leaning forward, his knees were on either side of hers. They brushed together lightly. He felt the tingling of electricity once again. "So, not my imagination." His eyes were now intent upon hers.

"No."

"Tell me."

Gillian felt herself flush even more, strangely awkward. "You arranged a trip for me, after, um, I lost someone."  
>"Claire." It wasn't even a question.<p>

"Yes." She leaned toward him as well. "It was this remote little resort not far from Nassau. You took it upon yourself to join me a few days later."

He nodded, still staring deeply into her eyes. "I wanted to tell you that I loved you." Cal's voice had lowered, accent heavy.

Gillian let out a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a sob.

His fingers drifted over her knees and the knot of her hands, inadvertently causing goose bumps to ripple across her flesh. His eyes remained fixed on hers.

Tears had begun to form as he reached up and stroked the side of her face. "Please. Don't do that."

Instinctively, she pushed her cheek into his hand.

* * *

><p><em>After the Justice of the Peace declared them official, Cal, who'd been sitting on the edge of the bed holding her hand, leaned over and kissed her. <em>

The ceremony had been short and to the point, with the exception of an extra blessing that Gillian loved and wanted to include:

_**"Now you will feel no rain, For each of you will be shelter to the other.**_

_** Now you will feel no cold, For each of you will be warmth to the other.**_

_**Now there is no more loneliness for you, For each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two bodies, But there is only one life before you. Go now to your dwelling place, To enter into your days of togetherness. And may your days be good and long upon the earth."**_

_ Their witnesses consisted of Emily and just a few others, including Torres and Loker, despite Cal's grumbling._

_ It broke Cal's heart to know that this was not even close to what Gillian had wanted for a wedding, but the pregnancy was a risky one and bed rest was imperative. _

_ After everyone had departed, Cal laid down next to her, gathering her in his arms and kissing away her tears. _

_ "How do you feel?" He whispered against her brow._

_ "Happy. Excited. Scared." She looked up into his face with complete honesty._

_ "I'm sorry that this isn't exactly what you'd hoped for."_

_ "It's okay Cal. I don't think I could be happier." She took his hand and placed it on her stomach in time for him to feel the soccer player inside._

_ His eyes grew huge with wonder as they always did. The novelty of the baby's movements never wore off. _

_ Gillian caught him in an emotionally explosive kiss that initially caught him off guard. He recovered quickly and did his part to make her toes curl._

_ They pulled away just a moment later. "Wow luv, shame about the restricted sex thing." He leered at her as she laughed and kissed him again._

* * *

><p>"Cal, are you okay?"<p>

He had drifted away and now snapped back to find her staring at him, expression ripe with worry.

Not initially responding, his eyes moved around her face, soaking in her features. "Yeah, darlin'." His hand remained on her cheek. He loved her and once more, he felt like he was falling in love with her all over again. His eyes settled back on hers.

Gill could feel herself tremble slightly at all the emotions she saw on his face. She felt slightly dizzy and short of breath as his hand traced her jawline before playing gently with her hair. He wasn't quite back but her instincts told her that he might be teetering on the edge.

Her mouth parted slightly and her heart leapt as both his hands cradled her face and he leaned closer. His eyes exuded warmth but gradually darkened with passion as he moved even closer, slowly seeking permission.

"DADDY!"

Cal jerked away quickly, almost like he'd been hit with a cattle prod and whipped his head toward his son's imminent attack.

Gillian hid her disappointment but as the name time, couldn't help but be amused. One of the pitfalls of having young children.

The little boy flew down the stairs, with his sister trailing behind, apologies all over her face.

"LOOK!" James offered his new toy to his father before grinning at his mom. "See what Emmy got me?"

They smiled at his excitement, once again tracking one another's eyes above their son's head.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey all. Just giving a shout out. Kind of M-ish coming up. Nothing hard core, but I just wanted to cover my bases, be cautious and the like. ;-)**

* * *

><p>"<em>Feel like the Stay Puft marshmallow man." He grumbled, looking sour.<em>

_ Gillian frowned before glancing back and forth, intimating that they weren't alone. "Come on Cal. It's only for a few minutes. Besides, everyone is in the same boat, literally and metaphorically speaking, of course."_

_ "Yeah yeah." His eyes narrowed as he looked past her. "No fucking way."_

_ "Cal!"_

_ A roaming photographer was dodging in and out of the crowd, liberally snapping shots of fellow marshmallow people._

_ "Didn't sign up for this."_

_ "I'm sure they do it every single time. You can deal with it."_

_ Cal glowered._

_ "Hey guys! Can you squeeze together real quick for me?"_

_ "Not only can I not squeeze together with my wife with this ridiculous thing on, I'm pretty close to throwing some plonker photographer overboard so they can swim home if they ask me to smile big." His tone was deadly serious._

_ The young man faltered. "Uh, o-kay. Never mind, we'll catch you some other time."_

_ "Good luck with that son."_

_ Gillian seem alternately horrified and amused. "Cal I can't believe you just said that."_

_ "Sure ya can darlin'."_

_**(BREAK)**_

"When James was a little over a year, my mom flew out and stayed with him so we could have a _proper_ honeymoon." Gillian paused and took a mouth full of salad.

"Well, a cruise would explain the lifejacket drill."

She washed her romaine lettuce down with a tiny sip of wine. "You were not a happy camper."

"That I _do_ remember. Probably just anxious to get my bride alone." Cal gave a smirk before watching her take another bite, the fork slipping smoothly in and out of her mouth.

Swallowing, he turned his attention back to his own food.

Emily had volunteered to watch James while they went out to dinner. She was apparently trying to make up for some perceived infraction. He was pretty sure he knew which one.

When his eyes moved back up to her, Gillian was blushing prettily. "You _were_ a little anxious."

Cal's mouth went slightly dry. "Was I?"

Casting him an easy grin, she nodded. "Yes, you were actually a bit afraid."

This time his mouth just dropped open as he stared at her.

She stared back, continuing to grin.

"You're messing with me."

"Nope." If asked, she would deny it, but she secretly _was_ having a little fun with him.

"Afraid."

"Yup."  
>He rolled this around in his head for a moment, but had to ask regardless. "How so? I mean, the word 'afraid' shouldn't be in my manly vocabulary."<p>

Stifling a snort of laughter, she smiled, slightly embarrassed at the sound that managed to escape. He found her adorable as his eyes roamed over her and noted that the blush had moved down across her chest and cleavage.

"Seasickness."  
>"Say again?"<p>

"You were afraid that you'd get sick." She tossed her hair casually back over her shoulder as she explained. For a moment he tuned out, just watching her hair settle, knowing how soft it felt against his fingers.

"…fishing trip."  
>"Sorry?"<p>

Gillian narrowed her eyes in mock suspicion. "I _said_ that years ago you went on a fishing trip with friends and the water was exceptionally choppy. All of you wound up sick over the side."

"Feeding the fish."

"Apparently."

"Oh. I was being a bit daft I guess. Huge ships and crappy little fishing boats have little in common."

"Other than floating in the water?"

"Well, yeah, that."

Her smile turned sympathetic. "I guess it was just a really miserable experience for you. On the plus side, we brought a large supply of Dramamine…just in case."

Propping his face in his hand he gazed at her, his expression suddenly unreadable. "As it happened, I didn't need it. Turned out to be a non issue."

She waited. He was right. Bringing her glass to her lips, she started to take a sip.

"Also, if memory serves, when we arrived in Jamaica, we took a bus to the other side of the island to hike up Dunn's River Falls, which I have to say was worth it. Quite beautiful it was. And at the top we went off the beaten path a little ways for a make out session and a quickie." He took a bite of his steak. "Good thing it was off season."

Gillian almost dropped her wine as he grinned at her mischievously, eyes darkly sparkling. "Ready for dessert?"

(BREAK)

Emily was curled on the couch, nose in a book when they got home.

"Have fun?" She peeked up at them, smiling.

They seemed to be a bit more relaxed with one another, almost like before. Or at least getting there.

"It was quite revealing." Cal commented glibly while Gillian blushed again.

Emily's eyes shifted from one to the other, amused at the little exchange. "I put James to bed about 15 minutes ago. He had a little meltdown earlier but I think he was just tired."  
>"Thank you Em." Gillian smiled and headed for the staircase to check on her son.<p>

Cal shoved his hands into his pockets, looking at his daughter. "What are your plans tonight? Heading out now or…?"

Snapping the book shut, she unraveled herself from the couch and got to her feet. "Actually I was going to stop by Eric's."

Her father grunted with a frown. "Sure you don't want to stay around a bit?"

She kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Sorry. There's a project we're working on that we _really_ need to finish up."

"I bet."

"Funny, dad." She put her arms around him, looking up into his face. "I'm so glad that you're okay."

Cal gave her a sideways grin. "'Course darlin'. I tend to land on my feet a lot."

Her face turned serious. "For how long?" She gave him another peck before gathering her things. "Anyway, got to go. Tell Gillian I said 'bye.'"

"Will do luv."

The girl flashed another smile over her shoulder before disappearing out into the night.

Feeling like something was stolen from him, he stared at the closed door, a creeping sadness moving through him. His daughter was all grown up and he didn't really remember how she got that way.

**(BREAK)**

In true pre-schooler fashion, the boy was sleeping half way in and half way out of his bed. His head and shoulders were in danger of an impending floor collision, while the other half sprawled with one foot anchoring him between the wall and the bed.

Gillian gently moved James around to position his head back on his pillow knowing that it was futile but feeling compelled nonetheless. He let out a loud sigh and she froze for just a moment and waited. Fortunately, he didn't awaken. She tucked the blanket around him, leaned over and kissed him on the forehead before quietly retreating from his room.

She startled slightly to find her husband leaning against the doorjamb watching her, his face in shadows. Moving past him, she gently closed the door behind her.

"Emily leave?"

"Yeah, meeting up with the boyfriend." His voice sounded pained.

Wrapping her fingers around his, she led him downstairs.

"They've been together a while Cal."

"She said 7 months or so."

He flopped on the end of the couch and she kicked off her shoes and curled her legs under her next to him.

"I think she might be getting a little serious with him."

"She's only 22." He stared down at the floor in front on him. "But then again, it's like, holy crap, she's 22 already? Don't remember it happening."

"You know something?"

"Huh."

"Even parents without head trauma go through that. Kids grow up way too fast."

"True enough."

"Cal?"

"Yeah, luv?"

"What do you remember about that day in the cemetery?"

He tilted his head, thinking. "Pretty much what I said. Wait a second." Cal's hazel eyes found hers, a tender smile working its way onto his face. "When the little guy was laughing and messing around the grave markers, you said something to the effect that kids remind us what's important."

Nodding, Gillian could feel her eyes blur slightly.

"Important to enjoy what we have, yeah?"

Her tears were overflowing once again.

Cal touched her face, smirking. "You _are_ quite the crybaby aren't ya?"

Sliding a bit closer, he put his arm around her, feeling her immediately melt into his side.

Resting her wet face against his shoulder, she was reminded of how she loved the solidity of him; she loved how he smelled and how she immediately felt safe. She'd missed it. She'd missed _him._ Snuggling closer, she snaked one arm around his ribcage, rubbing lightly. A sigh of contentment slipped from her as she felt his lips press to the top of her head and his fingers played with her hair. They moved to stroke her shoulder and upper arm, gently massaging as she relaxed even more.

"Gill?"

"Hmmm?" She smiled as she felt him kiss her brow.

Cal moved his other hand to her face and tilted it up to him. "Just so you know." His face was so full of tenderness that she felt her heart start to swell. "There's one thing I could never forget."

"And what's that?" Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"How much I love you." Still caressing her face, he slowly lowered his lips to hers. His kiss was warm, soft, sweet and completely undemanding.

Her hand reached behind his head, threading through his hair to anchor him to her. She was the one to deepen the kiss but he happily followed her lead. Gentle nibbles, a slow dance of tongues, the occasional clash of teeth and they pulled away slightly, keeping eye contact.

"I've missed you." Her blue eyes were dark as she stared up at him.

He took her chin between his forefinger and thumb. "I'm right here, luv. Not going anywhere." A teasing smile touched his eyes. "At least not physically."

"I love you Cal." Gillian pushed her lips up against his once again.

Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to sink into the kiss, his heart accelerating, as she became more demanding. One of her hands rubbed his upper thigh igniting a tingling burn as he heard himself groan into her mouth. "Want to be careful there darlin'." His voice was rough, accent thick.

She started to plant feather light kisses over his neck, jaw and ear. "What fun would that be?" The low, throaty whisper caused his tenuous grip on self-restraint to spiral out of control. Using his body to propel her backward, he lay down partially next to her, partially on top on her, one knee between her legs. One hand explored the swell of her hip before gliding up to her belly and the curve of one breast, the other threaded in her hair to keep her still while he covered her neck with kisses down to her clavicle.

Her entire body trembled with the onslaught as warmth spread through her. She wrapped her arms around him, throwing one leg behind his thigh and moving her head back to allow him better access. His hands and lips felt so good. She was so caught up in sensation that when the thought of whether or not this was a good idea popped into her head, it was like a balloon deflating.

Cal immediately felt the difference and pushed himself off her quickly, practically retreating to the other side of the couch. His eyes were still dark with passion but confusion and fear were taking over. "Gill? Did I do something wrong?"

Breathing hard, she already missed the heat of his body. "No, no, you didn't."

"I don't understand." He looked like a little kid who just dropped his ice cream cone. Gillian would have laughed if she didn't feel so crappy.

How could she articulate it? Saying it was her not him was never a comfort to anyone. "I'm wondering if we should really do this."

"Okay." His eyes were searching but he waited.

"Um," dropping a hand on top of her head, she looked at the floor. "I feel like I might be…uh…taking advantage."

Cal's face washed blank.

A few moments later, she chanced a look at him just in time to see the edge of his mouth twitch upward. His whole countenance broke into a grin shortly thereafter. "Seriously? You seriously think you're taking advantage of me?" He was suddenly in her face, just a breath away. She gave a little gasp at his sudden movement. "Darlin', _that_ is just _not possible_. _Despite_ the fact that I have loads of memories of making love to you that are beginning to multiply like rabbits, what man _wouldn't_ want to be 'taken advantage of' by someone as bloody gorgeous as you are?"

Now she just felt stupid and it must have shown for he gently pulled her into his arms. "No luv, I appreciate what you were thinking. Please don't feel bad. Just know that I'm on my way back. I may not be quite there but I'm working on it." Tilting his head, he gave her his mischievous smile. "Think of it as therapy."

Gillian laughed despite herself before his lips once again took hers in a fiery kiss.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Thought that chapter 7 would be the last one for this story. I mean, I think it would seem a reasonable place to end, right? But I decided to tack on another chapter just to provide an extra helping of Callian for your enjoyment (I think).**_

_**On a side note, another writer mentioned the frustration from lack of reviews and I'm finding myself agreeing. It doesn't take more than a couple of seconds to shoot us a comment and let us know that you like what we're putting out there. As far as we know, the opposite is true. I see loads of hits, but few reviews (I send thanks to the handful of people who consistently send their comments my way – you guys are wonderful and you know who you are) and can infer that only a small percentage of people actually like what I'm writing. Once again, if you like what we do (ALL of us who take the time and energy to do what we love and put it out there for everyone else to enjoy), please let us know. It's the one true way to encourage us to continue. Just sayin'.**_

_**OK, getting off my rant about right now. I apologize if I stepped on any toes.**_

_**-EP**_

**BTW, I guess I'll slap this chapter with an "M" (well, as "M" as I ever get). Just warning ya.**

* * *

><p>Sleep was elusive for him. Whenever he felt himself close to falling off the brink, his restless mind would haul him back into consciousness. Cal figured that he knew what he needed but wasn't sure if it would the best thing or not. What he desperately <em>needed <em>was to get back to work.

Gillian was curled up next to him, one leg over his left thigh and one arm looped securely around his midsection. Escape could prove tricky, so he stayed a few minutes and just studied her face in the thin moonlight filtering in through the blinds. As he watched, she gave a little sigh, licked her lips and smiled in her sleep. Amused, his eyebrows crept up toward his hairline. _Seems to be an, um, interesting dream. _ At that moment, she mumbled something incoherently and flipped over onto her other side.

He took the opportunity to slip out of bed, pausing only briefly to plant a light kiss on her cheek. Grabbing sweats and a t-shirt, he pulled them on en route to the door before disappearing downstairs.

**(BREAK)**

Gillian reached out in her sleep to find him gone. Disoriented, she blinked the sleep from her eyes and looked around the darkened room. The alarm clock shone 4:17 as her gaze fell upon it. A frown of concern crossed her features as she reached for her robe.

She could hear heavy breathing and harsh gasps as she approached the top landing of the stairs. Creeping down slowly, she caught sight of him and stopped, just observing as he worked out his frustrations.

His perfect push-ups demonstrated the power that ran through his body. She watched his lean muscles alternately flex and relax under his t-shirt. He must have been at it for a while since sweat had already soaked through the thin fabric coating his back and chest. He stopped at that moment and pushed back to lean against the recliner, making no move to get up off the floor. Gillian noted that his eyes had gone distant. He still seemed unaware of her presence.

Clearing her throat, she descended the remainder of the staircase and moved into his waiting gaze.

"Hey darlin'. Didn't wake you did I?" Cal gave her a gentle smile that turned slightly impish when he remembered her dream expressions.

"Just missed you and got a little worried."

"Sorry."

"No need to be." She moved to the recliner and purposely sat there, the side of her legs pushed up against him. He scooted over slightly to give her more room. "Lots on your mind, I know."

"Been thinking about going back to work."

"Okay."

"Don't want to mess anything up though."

"Do you really think you might?"

He thought about it for several moments. "No."

"We have a good support team," she smiled teasingly, "When you give them a chance that is." Her fingers gently sifted through his damp hair. "They've really come up to bat this past month."

"Good to know." Cal leaned into her, shutting his eyes, enjoying her touch. "I figure if I could win over a quarter of a mil for that sleaze in Nevada, my readings can't be too off. I should be able to trust myself for the business."

"True enough. Do you remember them?"

"Who?"

"Very funny."

He opened his eyes, looking up at her innocently. "Who's being funny? Do I remember the tall nerdy one? Or the shorter dark haired one? Or the hard of hearing one whom I can't understand half the time anyway?" Cal gave her a huge grin, earning a playful slap on the shoulder.

In a breath he was in her face, his body lying almost on top of hers, his eyes prodding hers. "Any good dreams lately?"

The sudden shift startled her. "What…?" Gillian felt heat rushing to her face.

"You seemed to be having a lovely dream just before I got up."

"Um…" Fragments danced through her mind. Just the typical foggy images that accompany a dream memory doomed to slip away. The fragments were enough though. She felt herself blush even more as his grin widened. Bracing himself on the arms of the chair, he leaned forward to bury his face in her neck, kissing and nibbling his way down from her ear to her shoulder. An involuntary shudder ran through her body as he moved to take her lips in his. There was nothing tentative about the contact as he passionately deepened the kiss, his tongue thrusting and teasing as she melted into him. He pulled away to loosen the ties of her robe to give himself better access, before running his lips down her chest while his hands explored the skin still hidden under the soft fabric. He was quietly thankful that there weren't any other barriers.

Her breath began to come in short pants as her eyes closed. Feeling her body begin to ignite, she cradled his head to her chest before pulling it back up to grab his lips in hers. She kissed down his throat, enjoying the feel of his stubble before reaching down and attempting to pull his shirt over his head. He helped and tossed it into the corner of the room before lowering himself to kiss her breasts.

"Cal…?" Gillian's voice was a broken purr.

"Hmmm?"

"You're all sweaty."

He stopped and looked up, his cheek against her chest. "Should I stop and go grab a shower?" The question sounded thick but teasing.

Her eyes settled on his. They were dark and excited. "Hell no." She pulled him back up to her once again before allowing her fingers to slip down his sweatpants, eliciting a raspy groan from him.

Moving away from her grasp, he kissed down to her belly and beyond, watching her eyes close and her expressions shift while she held onto the arms of the chair, knuckles white. He grabbed her hips while her body tensed, trembled and relaxed. He moved back up toward her face, nudging her one leg over the arm of the chair. Noting that she was still trembling, he gently kissed her cheek. "Alright luv?"

Nodding she grabbed him by the back of the neck to hold him hostage, nipping his lip as she passionately kissed him. Her hands left his face and once again pushed into his sweats, stroking before releasing him from his cotton sheathing.

Not needing a formal invitation, he buried himself within her, slowly at first, but moving with increased fervor as her body opened itself up to him. She tilted her hips as they moved together in perfect rhythm, locked in a passionate embrace of fused bodies and sultry kisses.

Gillian fell first with Cal just moments behind. Gasping they clutched one another as they came down together, both shaking with intensity.

Softly kissing her lips yet again, Cal moved down to rest his cheek against her chest, listening to her rapid heartbeat before closing his eyes. He felt her kiss the top of his head as she cradled it gently.

Comfortable silence enveloped them before cooling skin and awareness of the hour settled around their periphery. Their little boy would be up in a couple of hours, if they were lucky.

Somewhat begrudgingly, Cal got to his feet, readjusting his pants before holding a hand out to her. "Now, how about that shower?" Exhaustion coated his features, but he still managed to give her a devilish smile.

Gillian couldn't help but return it.


End file.
